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3 Tricks to Focus During Sex And Achieve Sexual Ecstasy

Sex. It’s what we’re here for. It’s the subject of the TV we watch and the songs we listen to. When we can’t have it, we watch other people doing it. We fucking love sex.

So then why do so many of us have trouble focusing while actually doing it?

Yeah, you’re not the only one. Research has shown that a lot of men struggle to concentrate while doing the deed, something that not only diminishes your enjoyment, but also affects your skills. Men who focus better are just plain better at sex.

Intense focus equals intense pleasure.fucking-intense.tumblr.com
Intense focus equals intense pleasure.                                            fucking-intense.tumblr.com

What’s the secret? Why is it so hard to focus on something so pleasurable? Can we do anything about it?

Why It’s So Hard To- Oh Look, a Balloon!

Pornos are misleading in a lot of ways, and one of the biggest fallacies is that all parties are constantly moaning. You don’t see a glazed look in their eyes as they start thinking about the totally unsexy grocery shopping they need to do. You never see uncertainty. You get hour long scenes during which men and women keep their orgasm faces permanently on.

In real life, there are a lot of things that keep fucking from being the engrossing pleasure-fest it’s meant to be.

1. How Many Points Do I Get?

When you’re having sex with someone for the first time, it usually mirrors The Forty Year Old Virgin. Both parties fumble around trying to do the best they can without being able to take it easy and just feel sexual ecstasy. And you don’t learn that much, so the next time you’re doing it, you’re still not sure you’re getting it right.

If only sex could be like a video game, where the better you do the more points you get. At least then we’d know how we were doing.

The most common reason men get distracted is performance anxiety. How many of the following thoughts have you had:

  • is my dick big enough?
  • will I last long enough?
  • am I hurting her?
  • what if I shoot off without warning?
  • why isn’t she moaning?
  • is she moaning too much?
  • how do I know if she’s faking it?
  • what if I give her an STD?
  • am I sweating too much?
  • do I look like I’m enjoying it?

I’m sure you’ve all had at least one or two of these thoughts. And all these thoughts take you out of the moment. Instead of making you perform better, they put pressure on you and your best ain’t never gonna be good enough.

2. Oh God, not her again

Did you ever wish you had a magic wand to wave at her?forreallove.blogspot.com
Did you ever wish you had a magic wand to wave and transform her into someone else?   forreallove.blogspot.com

Cheating is the conflict in tons of romantic dramas. He cheats on her, she cheats on him, everyone gets angry and shit starts to stink. The screenwriters get it spot on. The stats on cheating are fucking insane. Up to 70% of men and women in relationships cheat!

And no, it’s not for soppy reasons like they don’t love each other or are calling out for help. Jay-Z didn’t cheat on Beyoncé because their relationship sucks and definitely not because she’s not hot enough. It’s because monogamy is fucking stupid. I know that’s a controversial opinion, but let’s face it. Just because you love someone and get a raging hard-on just thinking about them, doesn’t mean you’re never gonna want to fuck anyone else. You have needs, goddamnit.

So people cheat, both men and women, and it’s because they’re tired of the same thing with the same person. Once sex becomes a routine, it gets hard to focus, and when you can’t focus, sex can turn into a chore.

3. We’re all dumbasses

Yup, one of the major reasons we can’t focus is because we’ve trained ourselves to be stupid. If shit gets the slightest bit boring, we get our phones out. And that becomes habit. So, when you’re having a good, hot session, and you thrust in the same direction one too many times, your mind starts to wonder. If it was any other time, you’d be scrolling through Facebook instantly. What’s that? You do? Yeah, one in ten people check their phones during sex, according to a recent survey. Fuck that shit.

Let’s solve all your problems

Okay, we’ve established that focus is no easy matter. Now telling you that would be pointless if we couldn’t offer you some help. Try these tips to stay focused during sex.

1. Don’t be a pussy while you’re in the pussy

make-me-breathe-harder.tumblr.com
Be confident and take control. make-me-breathe-harder.tumblr.com

Performance anxiety doesn’t have to happen in the moment. Think about what happened to the 40 Year Old Virgin when he tried to put a condom on for the first time. He really could have done his research beforehand. Find out the facts, practice, and reassure yourself.

  • Are you worried about your dick size? So is everyone. Look at pictures – yeah, yeah, I know you don’t want to – of average dicks online. Measure your own. Find out information on how much size actually matters to girls (not that much). And remember, it always looks smaller from where you see it.
  • Find out what premature ejaculation really means. Sex lasts 7 minutes on average, and many people finish in 2. So if you can hold out for 2 minutes, everything else is bonus time. Still worried?
  • Get tested for STDs. This one’s on you.
  • Brush up on some moves that will pleasure any girl, and you can stop worrying whether she’s having a good time.

Whatever it is you’re worried about, someone else is worried about it too and are out there to help you. Because the internet.

2. Keep trying… new things

Monogamy is stupid, as I said, but for some reason you only find monogamous couples in pop culture. And I get why people want to be monogamous – humanity hasn’t found a better option yet.

So, if you’re getting bored in bed and can’t focus every time, you don’t need to go out and find someone new. Just try some new stuff. Try new positions. Do anal. Play with toys. Research BDSM (and look further than 50 fucking Shades). Always remember to ask her if she’s comfortable with something before trying it.

Try role playing. This way, you have to concentrate in order to stay in character. Also, there’s really no better way of shaking things up short of bringing someone else in. Ross and Rachel almost perfected it in the Friends episode when she played Princess Leia (although Chandler massively screws it up by getting Ross to think of his mom instead).

Would you like to be a line in this triangle?overloadedtouch.tumblr.com
Would you like to be a line in this triangle?                   overloadedtouch.tumblr.com

If she’s okay with it, invite a third party. But remember, if you expect her to be open to a second girl, you need to be ready to consider bringing in a second dude.

3. Practice Mindfulness… Long And Hard

There’s one surefire way of improving your focus. Zen mindfulness. Mindfulness teaches you how to focus hard on one thing for a long time. Which is exactly what we all need to learn to do.

So, spend some time practicing on normal day-to-day stuff. Eat an apple, concentrating the whole time on nothing but the apple. Go for a walk, concentrating on just the walk. Meditating once in a while can’t hurt. Some breathing exercises can really help you get in the zone. Once you’ve had a lot of practice doing this, you’ll be able to put it into practice in the bedroom.

She’ll be amazed at how attentive you are, never having had as focused a lover. You’ll realize what you’re getting right and getting wrong, and be able to improve.

You want to be a perfect lover? Put in the work. Concentrating fully is sometimes harder than your boner. You never, ever want that.

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Written by Paco Penne

I love dating!

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